1. It sounds weird when someone calls you by your first name.
2. You hate seeing kids in bars, not because you think it’s bad parenting but because you’re afraid they’ll recognize you.
3. Your friends can’t understand how you fell asleep while getting ready to go out on a Friday night.
4. Your cousin in finance sucks.
5. One can never have too many dry erase markers.
6. Very few parents actually know what their kids are like.
7. No soap opera in the world is as good as a middle school romance.
8. You can’t think of a name for your baby (or dog) because they all remind you of horrible students.
9. Finding time to go to the bathroom is like finding $20 in an old coat.
10. Snow days are proof the universe loves you.
