Hangovers are pretty much the worst part of a good life, and though they are far from fatal, they do feel fatal.
Some argue that they’re incurable, while others swear by their own special cures. With a little effort one can at least make them a lot less armageddon-esque. Wherever you fall on the spectrum, it’s worth giving these tips a shot. They’re coming straight from people who work in the wine industry, and those are people who tend to drink quite. a. bit.
In no particular order, here are WA’s Top 10 Hangover Cures from Wine Industry pros:
1) Dale Slear, Co-founder and CTO of Wine Awesomeness:
“F*%kin’ spicy food and kitesurfing.“
Dale takes a unique, “fire and ice” style approach to conquering the hangover. First, he attempts to burn his stomach back to normal by finding some seriously spicy munchies and popping them down the hatch. Then he (somewhat counter-intuitively) straps himself to a kite, gets dragged out into the cold, swirling waters of the ocean and flies through the air. Hey, it’s only crazy if it doesn’t work, right?
2) Peter Eastlake, Food & Wine’s 2013 Sommelier of The Year:
“Kale banana smoothie.”
Kale is hotter right now than DiCaprio was in the late 90’s. Everybody and their grandma has extolled its healthiness and its many virtues (except for people who aren’t into the whole eating leaves thing). Hangovers can be fought with grease and carbs, sure. But they can also be fought with greens and antioxidants and healthy stuff… which sort of makes more sense, right? Go figure.
3) All the Europeans you complain about hangovers to:
“The mysterious and almighty Berocca”
For a long long time, Berocca was not available in the USA. Lobbyists must have had some sort of a special interest in hangovers (junk food sales?) but now it’s available from sea to shining sea.
For those unfamiliar with what is often regarded as the world’s best hangover cure, Berocca is a potent, reinvigorating mash-up kind of like the lovechild of Alka Seltzer and Emergen-C. While it’s not advertised as a hangover cure, this is by most accounts the best way to get that train off your forehead. All aboard.
4) Andrew Jones, Winemaker at Field Recordings:
“A burrito and a Gatorade. Lemon-lime only!”
While we can’t speak to the specificity of Andrew’s “lemon-lime only” requirement, we’re confident there’s a damn good reason for it. The burrito as a hangover cure is a popular choice, but can divide hearts and minds. See our sophisticated rubric below:
PROS: It’s full of rice aka the ultimate soaker upper, it contains savory meat and all the protein that entails, the carby tortilla should have a soaking and stabilizing effect.
CONS: Burritos are BIG, perhaps too big. On top of that, sour cream, salsa and other Mexican style condiments are not exactly known for being easily digestible.
5) Ben Glover, CFO of Wine Awesomeness:
“A real Coca-Cola (no Diet, Zero, Life or whatever else) and an hour long, steaming hot shower.”
When it comes to an unhappy and booze-ravaged stomach, there are two approaches one can take. 1) Wait for things to smooth out down there before you start adding all sorts of variables to the situation. We like to call this the vampire method. 2) Throw as much food as possible down your face hole and attempt to suffocate the flames of discontent.
Ben goes for the vampire method, although he does supplement his otherwise austere technique with a really hot, preposterously long and un-environmentally friendly shower… which pretty much always feels great.
6) An award winning Sommelier and tastemaker who will remain unnamed:
If Kale isn’t up your alley (in spite of the fact that it’s the trendiest vegetable in the Milky Way galaxy) there is another green form of plant life you might consider that would ease the pain of a hangover considerably. In some states it’s legal, in others it’s not. We wouldn’t know because we’ve never tried it, but we hear from a friend of a friend that marijuana (they also call it weed, pot or dat bubonic chronic) makes you feel super happy, relieves headaches and nausea, and makes you hungry again. If that’s not a cure for a hangover we don’t know what is, but then again we’ve never tried it, so who knows.
7) Logan Lee, Co-Founder and CEO of Wine Awesomeness:
“One Advil PM prior to sleeping on the night before suspected hangover.”
Okay, so this is technically a preventative measure and not a cure… but that’s the kind of innovation that might just change the hangover game. We don’t really know how or why this works (if it does) and we don’t really know if it’s medically advisable. But, there’s a decent chance there’s something to it. Only time will tell.
8) Crazy, active types who also sort of have a point:
“A long run followed by a sauna session.”
Winston Churchill once said “If you’re going through hell, keep going.” While many combat hangovers with sloth and hedonism, there are a select few who attempt to literally run right through the remnants of their wild nights. Have you ever sweat out a bottle of wine? It may smell gross, but it feels good.
This method is effective but not for the faint of heart or the out of shape. Throwing up at the gym won’t impress that hottie you’ve been flirting with for the past two weeks (neither will lifting those super light weights, just an FYI). Godspeed!
9) Greig Santos-Buch, Founder of Winederlusting.com:
“A hearty glass of wine with breakfast.”
Folks, “hair of the dog” does not mean “eat dog hair.” Instead of plucking a clump out of your beagle Chester’s filthy mane (poor Chester) and scrambling it into an omelette, just try drinking more. This either works or it really doesn’t work.
There are those mornings when even thinking of booze will make your tummy turn. It must be said, it takes a brave human to fight fire with fire and not get burned… are you up for the challenge?
10) Kaitlin Ohlinger, Sommelier & Founder of The Wine Snob:
“Liters of water, ibuprofen, couch, cat, coffee, carbs, and TV for a minimum of three hours.”
This is a situation that many of us are familiar with. Why? Well, because most of the time it works. At least, it does enough to distract us from the thunder cracking in our skulls. Remember, a good ole TV binge can help us forget about other, more painful binges. The classics are classics for a reason, friends.
If you’re still reading this, go out and get a hangover, then cure it!