How to Saber a Bottle of Bubbly

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There are many ways to open a bottle of bubbly, though none are more awesome than a lil’ technique known as SABERING! Sounds pretty cool, right? Well, it is. Follow these simple steps to become a master of bottle popping with pizzazz.

 

1) Acquire a Sabre

Easier said than done, we know, but definitely worth it. You’ll need a nice scythe like blade to really hack the cork out of that bottle. Is it curved like a half moon? Yes? It’s for you. The more this small weapon looks like something that Genghis Khan may have used the better it is for the job. Extra points for rubies on the hilt. (You should probably hold onto that since it’s most likely pretty valuable…)

2) Stop caring about your carpet and furniture (or move them)

When a bottle of sparkling wine is sabered (correctly at least) it will rush forth with furious vigor, excitement and a lavish stream of bubbles. If you’re standing over a nice rug, next to somebody’s brand new upholstered chair or right behind the guy with the $1,000 suit… either relocate or get them the hell out of the way.

3) Take a few practice swings

You’ll want to place the edge of the sabre at a tilt, so the blade is almost flat against the bottleneck, with just enough of an angle to catch the lip and the cork. Try running the blade up and down the neck oh so slowly to get a feel for the process, and to make sure you’re holding the blade at the right angle. It might also make a cool noise as if you were unsheathing a broadsword, which is another great reason to practice a bit.

4) Pump up the crowd

This will account for about half of the work, really. Like those groups of break dancers on the subway, you’re going to need to get people really hyped up before you even think about sabering that bottle. Have them circle around you (at a safe distance, seriously) and maybe even see if you can get a slow clap going… make sure glasses are ready.

5) SABER AWAY!

Not much more to say here… you’ve done all the hard work, now hack that cork into the stratosphere and prepare for an eternity of glory.

 

 

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